Actual transcript taken from the Anonymous Michigan Absconders hotline:
MDOC 
Hotline Operator: Good afternoon. Michigan Needs Women Hotline... Dang, I said it again. Sorry, I meant Fugitive Hotline. How can I help you?
Anonymous Caller #1: Hi, my name is, wait, I can't tell you that…(pause) I have a man that came to my shop to buy a gun and ammo. Then I saw his picture on the MDOC fugitive website. I look that over a couple times everyday because my life has no real meaning and I like to see what criminals look like.
MDOC HO: Are you sure he is a wanted fugitive?
AC #1: Oh, yes, that’s him alright. He looks just like his picture; it was ABC [name changed to protect no one in particular]
MDOC HO: Oh, my! ABC is a very dangerous felon. He’s a serial killer. He’s murdered a dozen people with a plastic salad fork six months ago. And you sold him a gun?
AC #1: Yes, he didn’t come up on the watch list. He was using a different name and was willing to pay full price. What could I do? But, it’s him alright.
MDOC HO: Hmmm. He just broke out last week. We haven’t put up a fence yet. We give them oranges and that usually keeps them happy. We were all so hurt when he left.
AC #1: Are you going to send some police over to pick him up? I can see him across the street now. He’s loading the gun and everything.
MDOC HO: No, sorry, we can’t do than. We don’t go after prison escapees for at least 25 years. Lets see, 2008 plus 25 that’s 20…(mumbling) carry the one, oh yes, that’s 2033. Please call back in 2033. We’ll have someone out to investigate in a month.
AC #1: Are you sure you don’t want to get him now? He’s starting to shoot into the air.
MDOC HO: He isn’t text messaging a female assistant about the police chief is he?
AC #1: No, he couldn’t hold the gun and work a PDA at the same time.
MDOC HO: Sorry, call back later, please. Have a pleasant night, sir.
[Phone is disconnected. Rings again shortly afterward. Phone picks up and voice mail instructs caller to wait for next available operator. Melody of “The Girl from Ipanema" plays for the next five minutes.]
MDOC HO: Good afternoon, Michigan Needs Wo.., I mean, Fugitive Hotline. How can I help you?
Anonymous Caller #2: Hi, my name is Carol and …
MDOC HO: Please, ma’am no names. This has to remain anonymous.
AC #2: Is that to protect my identity from the person I’m trying to turn in?
MDOC HO: No, that’s so we don’t have to change the name of the “Anonymous Michigan Absconders”, also called the AMA.
AC #2: Won’t people confuse you with the America Medical Association?
MDOC HO: I’d like to see them try. Is there someone you want to turn in?
AC #2: Oh, yeah, there certainly is, you bet ya. I know this woman, my next door neighbor. Her name's Sierra LePayLynn, at least that what she claims. She’s been bragging about jay walking in the streets of Saginaw thirty five years ago.
MDOC HO: That is a very serious offense. Did she escape from prison?
AC #2: Yeah, sure, she said they caught her going across in the middle of the block back in 1972 and the judge gave her 40 years.
MDOC HO: Well, jay walking was a serious problem back then; cars had to stop and everything. The judge in Sag finally decided he’d had enough of that kind of stuff and sent every one of them to prison for 40 years.
AC #2: My, that seems very harsh. Did they at least get oranges?
MDOC HO: Yes, ma’am, but they were forced to pick up their own peels. The system didn’t have the people for that back then.
AC #2: Well, she claims she’s the most famous jay walker in the world now and I can’t put up that. Dang those celebrity types. I hope you can put her back into to prison where she belongs.
DMOC HO: Well, I see she meets our criteria for recapture. I take it she’s a contributing member of the community. Where are you located?
AC #2: We’re up here in Alaska. And yeah, she’s a contributor alrighty. She’s mayor of our small town. She used to be a community organizer, but nobody knew what that was, so she became mayor.
MDOC HO: Well, ma’am, you’ve done your civic duty. Rest assured no amount of expense will be spared to bring in this dangerous escapee. Even if it costs the taxpayers into the millions to bring her in, other prisoners will know they can’t run free anymore - for more that 30 years at least.
AC #2: Wouldn’t it be better to put up fences around your prisons?
MDOC HO: I suppose, but we’d have to hire illegal aliens for the job and people here get so upset when we do that.
AC #2: Why not hire Americans?
MDOC HO: We can’t afford American labor anymore. We’re spending too much money bringing in thirty year fugitive cases. We have to take the money for that out of our school budget as it is.
AC #2: Well, at least you’ll have more celebrities behind bars now.
MDOC HO: We don’t let them call themselves celebrities. When they start to get too full of themselves, we send them to a different prison and put them in with older cellmates.
AC #2: Does that work?
MDOC HO: They have to miss their big high school musical reunion and if they still don’t start smiling, the warden has a talk with them a lot like Ward Cleaver talking to the Beaver. So, no, not really.
AC #2: But they still get oranges?
MDOC HO: All the oranges the can stand.
Disclaimer: This blog posting has nothing to do with "Fugitive Mom" Susan LeFevre, who is a real person. Nothing at all. She isn't ever mentioned here. This is about the plight of someone else under the cruel yoke of the Michigan Department of Corrections, who foolishly ran afoul of the system as part of a youthful mistake and now after three decades of living a productive live must be brought back to PAY. Her name will be synonymous with Paying, just like it implies "LePayLynn".
Again do not mistake this for anything about Susan LeFevre. If you do think it is, then you might want to write to Judge Willaim A. Crane and say that her sentencing was unjust and she deserves to go free at the address below:
Honorable William A. Crane
Saginaw County 10th Circuit Court
111 S. Michigan Avenue,
Saginaw, Michigan 48602
RE: Case No. 74-00284-FY
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