Day 6 – The Lawyers Finally Show Up

Sierra LaPayLyn, the worlds most notorious “Jay Walker” is ushered to a visiting room booth. This is the first contact she has had with her lawyers since being sent back to prison to face her 40 years sentence since being returned.

Lawyer #1: Hello, Ms. LaPayLyn, I'm Benton Mouster for the Saginaw law firm of Pringle, Dingle, Benton, Benton, Fenton, Wesson, Oil, Smith and Wesson.

Sierra: I'm shake your hand but there's a two inch thick glass plate between us, so I'm just wave and give you a wink.

Lawyer #2: I'm Martin Burran, not “the Martin Burran”, but I do have a law degree and I'm here to represent you, also.

Sierra: Since I have no idea who “the Martin Burran” is, I'll just assume you aren't as good, but I'll assume I'll have to go with what I'm provided with.

Lawyer #1: That's a healthy attitude. I can assure you we are very expensive and we won't be communicating with you or your family very much. That way, we will appear to have more under control and can charge even more.

Sierra: Well, gee and golly too. It's hard to argue with that. I don't have much choice at this point. Is there anyway you can make the judge – The Honorable Sherman Derick see that I'm not a “bad person” and that I have been punished enough?

Lawyer #2: Judge Derick is a fair man. He is well know for being impartial throughout the land. But what we're up against is a single judge that over thirty years ago, that decided to make an example of you. Sure other judges in the state were handing out small fines and probation for first time offenders and then there's that entire Michigan Supreme court ruling that invalidated the type of sentence you had, but because you didn't complete the 10 years originally, that's the bone of contention.

Sierra: But, why? I've been given two years of probation on the escape charge. I admitted my guilt in that and I'm paying a huge fine. Why would they still hold me to an unjust sentence?

Lawyer #1: Well, lets suppose you were sentenced to death and escaped. Now lets say Michigan abolished the death penalty while you were gone and they brought you back. Now would they still expect to carry out the death sentence or re-sentence you under current guidelines?

Sierra: No, of course not!!! See, by shucks, isn't that a reason to re-sentence me now?

Lawyer #1: No, Michigan never had a death penalty. It's one of 13 progressive states that don't. Since they don't have a death penalty, they feel like they can do anything they want to you here in Saginaw county. They think you ran out on your sentence thirty years ago and hid until there were lesser sentences.

Sierra: But, but, that's crazy. It doesn't make any sense at all.

Lawyer #2: Exactly – you're in the place where they want to see people punished no matter how cruel and foolish it may be.

Lawyer #1: And you may want to reconsider running for mayor of Herring Valley. It might just make things harder and you can't run from prison, anyway.

Sierra: But, I got experience being a small town mayor and it's getting public attention.

Lawyer #2: Actually, Benton, she can run for mayor from prison. It turns out Michigan has the highest percentage of convictions of city mayors of any state in the county. If we started excluding convicted felons, there wouldn't be enough politicians to run for office. Why, the last mayor of Saginaw was accused of setting her own car on fire and then convicted of filing a false insurance claim.

Sierra: My gosh, that's a horrible thing to do. She cheated people out of money, could have hurt someone with a burning car and disgraced the office. Surely she must have been sent to prison for a long time!

Lawyer #1: No, she got probation from a Judge William A. Crane, partially for the community contributions she made as mayor. He took into account the good things she did in life against the mistakes she make to show her mercy and give her a chance to redeem herself.

Sierra: How about that mayor of Detroit. He did some bad, bad things. He must have gotten sentenced big time.

Lawyer #1: No, he got four moths in a county jail. It would have been less if he'd kept his mouth shut, but no, he had to make it all sound like it was a conspiracy against him.

Lawyer #2: Or how about that mayor from Flint, Donald J. Williamson. He was convicted for several business scams in 1962 and served 3 years in prison before being paroled.

Sierra: Is that him, pictured just above? Gee whiz, are you sure someone didn't steal a mummy from a local museum and prop it up in the Mayor's office as a Halloween prank?

Lawyer #1: Maybe you should run for office. That may be the only way someone here will give you a fair sentence.

Sierra: OK, if you two will draw up the papers, I'll get my campaign going. Jeepers, it will be good to be running for office again.

Disclaimer: You will notice a mention of a Judge Crane in the blog. It is pure coincidence that this is a real person and the case was real. It is also coincidence that this is the same judge overseeing the Susan LeFevre case. How about that! It couldn't hurt anything to ask this Judge to find a just mercy for Susan LeFevre, since after all she is not fictional and is truly suffering under a long invalid sentence:

Honorable William A. Crane
Saginaw County 10th Circuit Court
111 S. Michigan Avenue,
Saginaw, Michigan 48602

Reference Case No. 74-00284-FY

He even has a Fax number: 989-793-8180, if people would prefer to use that. But then as we all know, this Blog is Not About Susan LeFevre.

Day 5 – The Interest Builds

Sierra LaPayLyn now sits in prison, waiting for the Michigan court system to come to their senses, hoping for mercy. Unknown to her, crowds of supporters begin to build.

In one house somewhere in the "fancy" section of Saginaw, someone decides to do something -

Judy: Hey Lars, this woman, Sierra LaPayLynn, she got a raw deal.

Lars: Really, me being unemployed from the auto industry – I was thinking it might be a good idea to see someone else suffering even more than I am. It makes me feel better.

Judy: No, that can’t be right. There must be someway for us to feel like we’re doing OK in the amazing city of Saginaw, without seeing someone’s mother suffer for something she did thirty years ago.

Lars: Sure it is. Would Sammy Davis Jr. tell us wrong?

Judy: OK. (But thinking silently to herself – “Yes, he would you worthless jerk – I’m going to write an impassioned letter to the Saginaw Judge William Crane.)

The writer of this blog now stops this dialog interchange. Lars and Judy are boring people and will never appear in this blog again. But, in general you can see that they represent people across the county who are concerned and are writing into Michigan officials.

In the meantime, Sierra decides to take a desperate gamble. She needs to figure a ways to make her cause know to the public. She realizes that it is by spreading the word of the grave injustice perpetrated upon her, her cause can be aided.

Late at night she makes a collect phone call to one of the local media outlets. She waits as the news anchor debates paying for the collect call.

News Anchor Irwin Link: OK, I’ve put you on my expense account. What’s on your mind “Escapee Parent”?

Sierra: Why do you have to stick me with that title? I’m dealing with a tough situation here. This isn't a comedy act, prisons are brutal places.

NAIL: It sounds funny to me, so we’re going to run with it. What do you care? They don’t let you watch television there in the Women’s Holding Interment Prison of Eastern Michigan (wonderful WHIP-EM) at Herring Valley do they?

Sierra: Yes, they do. Everyone's favorite show is Prison Break on Fox (True - it really is a hit in prisons across the county – you’d think they wouldn’t encourage that, but people have to watch something and how many episodes of Big Brother can anyone be subjected to anyway? And don’t get me started on the entire Amazing Race. It was boring after the first seas… sorry the writer watches too much TV and really needs to get out more).

NAIL: So are you calling to whine about how mistreated you’ve been, because that makes great listening. People eat that stuff up. Imagine, you hate being in prison.

Sierra: No, although it is pretty bad in here. I have something else in mind.

NAIL: I know, you want to beg forgiveness for all your crimes and confess to new ones.

Sierra: No, it’s none of that, by gosh. I’m going back to being folkie and I’m going to run for the office of Mayor of herring Valley.

Will Sierra LaPayLynn actually run for mayor of Herring Valley? Will the writer even continue on with this story line? Every series goes through a bad episode after a certain amount of time. Just look at Lost, most of the third season went nowhere and whole thing about Michael being gone for an entire year, what was that about? Besides the budge for this blog is next to nothing.

Disclaimer: Admittedly with was the weakest bong entry so far (this is still a young blog, so there's plenty of time for worse) but think of it as a transitional episode. Still notice again there was never once a mention of Susan LeFevre in this blog. She is in an actual women’s prison in Huron Valley, is frightened and worried about the well being of her family for a mistake she made at nineteen. All with a sentence she didn’t deserve. If you’ve already written to Judge Crane at the address below, you could encourage your family and friends to write too.

Honorable William A. Crane
Saginaw County 10th Circuit Court
111 S. Michigan Avenue
Saginaw, Michigan 48602

Reference Case No. 74-00284-FY

Another suggestion, just to the good citizens of Saginaw. If you really are that heck bent (family rated blog here) on senseless punishment, why not left Susan LeFevre out of prison and force her to be Mayor of Saginaw. Make her live there and run things or would they finally consider that to be cruel and unsual punishment?

Just a suggestion.

Day 4 - The Interview by Bohmm Deeddle

The intrepid journalist Bohmm Deedle visits Sierra LaPayLyn in prison for an exclusive interview. Sierra is led into the visiting room by three heavily armed guards and in shackled to the chair. Bohmm Deedle pulls out his writing pad and begins the interview:

Deedle: So Ms. LaPayLyn, how does is feel to be captured after all this time?

Sierra: I’m so afraid. I never intended to cause anyone problems. Golly jeepers, I just make a mistake a long time ago and wanted to be able to live a respectable live. I thought if I just stayed straight, no one would care any more.

Deedle: Well, I’m a journalist, so I’m not here to judge you. I just want to report the facts. Frankly, I’d rather be interviewing the winner of the Miss Saginaw beauty contest, but my editor says I have to do this. But you committed a horrible crime, have you no shame all?

Sierra: Yes, I’m sorry for what I did and I’ve admitted my mistakes, but I didn’t know how to get out of things. It was so minor, what I did. I thought it would just be a small fine. That’s what my public defender said. But then the judge said I was the cause of all the problems Saginaw ever had.

Deedle: Blah, blah, blag. It’s all about you isn’t it? You were what, twelve or thirteen at the time? You knew the streets of Saginaw were running wild with people crossing where ever they wanted. How could you not think the judge would throw the book at you?

Sierra: It was more like the whole encyclopedia set. No, I thought if I tried to show I was mending my ways, he’d have mercy on me. I was young and immature.

Deedle: “Oh, I was so very young – that mean old judge made me go to prison for forty years – boo hoo”. (PAUSING BRIEFLY) Sorry, I not supposed to mock you. My editor hates when I do that. I need to be objective here. I remember back in junior college journalism school, that’s what they said I was supposed to do. Now what kind of life we you living until they caught up with you?

Sierra: Oh, I was a good wife and mother. My husband worked hard and I made sure our children were brought up right. I’m so proud of my family. We live in a modest home outside of our small town. Mostly, I tied to help out people. I even became mayor as a way of giving back. I only hope that counts for something.

Deedle: Sorry, my pencil broke after the bit about your being a mother. Wow, so you have kids. I understand a lot of women here have kids, but now their little rug rats are a drain on our social service system.

Sierra: Mine wouldn’t be. Never. My husband will take good care of them.

Deedle: Boooring!!!! I can’t print that kind of stuff. How are you enjoying your stay here?

Sierra: This is horrible. It’s dirty and noisy most of the time. The food looks like someone made it out of paper-mache, but tastes like ground up gym socks. A lot of women here as physically ill and nobody cares. Farm animals get better treatment. We’re still human beings, no matter what any of us did.

Deedle: OK, so you don’t appreciate the amenities. Got it! (says under his breath – “ingrate”). Anything else you’d like to add?

Sierra: It’s just that I got a very harsh sentence so long ago. Things have changed and all I want is to be re-sentenced under modern guidelines. The judge back then had a personal vendetta against jay walkers. I’m sorry for what I did. I really am, but I want a chance to make up for things and being in prison won’t let me do that. It will just cost the tax payers of Michigan a lot of money and hurt my family.

Deedle: You do go on and on about yourself, don’t you? Ever think about how much better it make citizens here in Saginaw feel better to know if they do anything wrong; they too can expect to be punished beyond reason? No, I guess not. Your kind only thinks about living your lives. You need to know what it’s like to suffer, like we do who can’t move out of Saginaw.

Sierra: Mr. Bohmm Deedle, I just want to say I am regretful of my past and hope someone in the legal system sees I deserve a second change.

Deedle: Sorry, I can’t print that either. My column space has run out. Six inches, that it. The editor needs to run a hemorrhoid care ad underneath. I’ve got what I need. We have things to sell and newspapers don’t print themselves. Good day, Ms. LaPayLyn.

The Newspaper Article:
Sierra LaPayLyn, a women that ran out on her deserved prison sentence thirty some odd years ago is still not comprehending why she is back in prison or that what she did was so very very wrong. Denial and out-and-out lies are her only companions. I now name her “Escapee Parent”, so people can have something to call her without thinking about her real name or as a person.

Before she was brought to justice, she lived in a 13 million dollar castle with a full time staff of maids and butlers that attend to her every need. It isn’t like that now. She lives in the iron bar motel. Haha, haha, haha! She is basically like a Martha Stewart, except with a human soul.

She escaped thirty years ago by digging a tunnel and carving a bicycle out of soap to ride to a fancy life in Alaska.

Her crimes back then, as told to me by someone who may have glanced at her old file included walking across a nearly deserted street in broad daylight. But did she look both way? No one knows, but if she didn’t, it makes the crimes all the worse. There are a host of other crimes she could have committed, too horrible to mention in a family newspaper. She was never charged with any of those, but if my source says she could have been involved in them, then who an I to try to verify the facts before I write about them? A source is a source and all I need to do it say I’m quoting from my source and my editor can’t beef about it. He’s all “journalistic ethics” and everything, but I’m covered.

She once rode in a shiny Cadillac Hummer Beemer car thing, with gold plated door handles, but now she is paying her dept to Michigan and there are no people to pick up her orange peels.

By Bohmm (where’s my Pulitzer) Deedle

Disclaimer: Bohmm Deeddle is a well respected journalist and has been know to occasionally report actual facts. His average of fact to column space is rated as being quite high compared against other journalists that say work for the Saginaw Shopping News or even the National Inquirer- nearly one and half facts per paragraph. His Peabody award is assumed to be in the mail.

As far as Susan LeFevre, who this blog is not about, you could write a letter to Judge Crane as say she is deserving of probation and should be immediately released at the address below:

Honorable William A. Crane
Saginaw County 10th Circuit Court
111 S. Michigan Avenue
Saginaw, Michigan 48602
Reference Case No. 74-00284-FY

Day 3 - Sierra LaPayLynn is sent back to Michigan to Face the Music

A group of twenty armed U.S. Marshals have spent days driving Sierra across county to bring her back to Michigan in a small bus. Days of driving go by, but it is still only day three when she reaches the Women’s Holding Interment Prison of Eastern Michigan (or WHIP-EM for short). The Saginaw Under Prosecutor Thomas Michaels awaits her arrival.

Prosecutor Thomas Michaels: So, you are Sierra LaPayLynn, the notorious jay walker and escapee. I’m the big deal prosecutor of this town. All hail to me. Welcome to WHIP-EM.

Sierra: Yes, sir, I’m Sierra LaPayLynn, all right. I’m sure hoping you’ll be willing to listen to reason. My crime was so long ago and I was given such a long unfair sentence. I’m hoping the year I spent in prison the last time will be sufficient, since anybody now being caught jay walking just gets a $20 fine. By the way, it’s it very unusual for a convict to meet directly with a prosecutor?

PTM: Yes, it never happens, except in literary dramatizations, so I can’t imagine why we are talking. But that’s what the writer of this blog wants, so what choice do we have?

Sierra: Alrighty, got ya. But about me getting a re-sentence?

PTM: Sorry, lady. You’re barking up the wrong Prosecutor. I’m here to see that you complete the long hash sentence you originally got. It goes against even the state constitution, but voters here want to bring back hanging and I know what side by bread is buttered on. Do you think I’d be willing to lose even a single voter but applying justice to you?

Sierra: But, I’ve reformed and tried to live by the law. Over thirty years. Surely, Saginaw can forgive after all this time.

PTM: Are you kidding? Saginaw has houses that are selling for $1.75 on eBay. People are leaving by the bus loads everyday. We’ve had to put up road blocks just to slow them down. I’ve decided to blame you for all our problems.

Sierra: But Saginaw was falling apart when I left. It had nothing for me. I got discourages and walked across the middle of a street. I fell in with the wrong crowd and they were all doing it. I got caught and I wanted help. Instead, I got sent away for what could have been most of my life.

PTM: Yeah, honey, thats right. One of your cohorts, got what you did – forty years. Granted he was running down the middle of the freeway, naked and shouting something about being a fire engine, but it was all a jay walking crime. DON’T DO THE CRIME –IF YOU CAN’T DO THE TIME. (golden rule of prosecutors).

Sierra: Who said that, anyways?

PTM: The great jurist Sammy Davis Jr. in a song back in the 1970s from a TV show no one remembers anymore, except for that saying. Our entire legal system in Michigan is now completely based on it.

Sierra: But, it doesn’t make any sense. How does someone know what the time is supposed to be? What says a minor crime deserves such are brutal sentence? Why do I have to go back? I didn't deserve what I got! Someone here must have some common sense.

PTM: Sorry, but we’re simple folks here in this part of Michigan. Sure, people in Detroit and fancy places like Anne Arbor believe in fair sentencing and things like sentences that allow people to reform. But mostly we here like to see what we call “bad people” suffer. It’s only by extreme punishment that we get to feel better about our selves.

Sierra: But, I swear to you, I’m not a “bad person”. I was a kid that made a foolish mistake.

PTM: Look, Missy, don’t you swear around here. That’s another crime. You want another years or two? Now your cohort did 8 years in prison and someone ran over him the day he got out. So that justifies my ignoring your rights.

Sierra: But the sentence is against the Michigan Supreme Court ruling. I could appear it and get out.

PTM: Yeah, lots of luck with that. It will take at least eight years to wind it’s way though the system. We like to make sure there justice for very few, other than crooked politicians and the very wealthy.

Sierra: Bummer!

PTM: Yeah, bummer for you. More votes for me. Bahhawhaw!

Disclaimer: Due to repeated email queries the writer categorically denies all resemblances to any vice presidential candidate along with any resemblance to Susan Lefevre who has been unjustly sent back to a Michigan prison after thirty years of being a law abiding citizen. I don't know why anyone would mistake this above person for Susan LeFevre.

Although I do suggest witting to Judge William A. Crane and asking for Susan LeFevre's safe return to California:

Honorable William A. Crane
Saginaw County 10th Circuit Court
111 S. Michigan Avenue,
Saginaw, Michigan 48602

Reference Case No. 74-00284-FY

Again any resemblance to a Vice Presidential candidate is unintended and purely coincidental. Joe Biden is definitely not the basis for anyone mentioned in this blog.

Day 2 (or there abouts) - Sierra LaPayLynn is captured

The world’s most famous jay walker (Sierra LaPayLynn) has been hunted down. Helicopters surround her home in her small town in the Great Northern Woods of Alaska. Two U.S. Marshals rush in and hold her at gun point. They begin the following interrogation:

The Interrogation

U.S. Marshal #1: Do you admit to being Sierra LaPayLynn, the notorious jay walker wanted in Michigan for jay walking and escape?

Sierra LaPayLynn: No, no, my name is Sierra LePayLynn. The two names are almost nothing alike.

U.S. Marshal #2: And how do you pronounce your name?

Sierra: Well, the names are French, so LePayLynn is pronounced “MicSmith” and LaPayLynn is pronounced “Thompson-Jones”, just like their spelled. As you can clearly hear, it’s entirely two different people.

USM #2: She has a point, but we've done a complete search of all your records. We know all about your family. We even know about that rash you had in 1987.

Sierra: Alright, yeah, sure. I'm Sierra LaPayLynn, the world's most famous jay walker.

USM #1: And you admit to escaping from a Michigan prison back in 1972?

Sierra: Sure, yeah, but it wasn't like what they say. I was twelve years old at the time and I just wondered off the grounds and got lost. I walked around looking for the prison for hours, but just couldn't find it.

USM #2: So, you're saying you didn't intentionally escape?

Sierra: No, I thought the prison escaped from me.

USM #1: Well, that did happen a lot back then. MDOC finally had to hand out maps to help prisoners find their way back. It helped in 1980 when we started to pin notes to their uniforms, so passing motorists would know where to drop them off.

Sierra: Alrighty, lawmen, it was a long time ago. I've become mayor of our small town. I've been on the straight and narrow since then. I've even stopped applying makeup to fox terriers.

USM #2: That is all commendable, but you escaped from prison and we have to take you back.

Sierra: But jay walking is just a small fine now. Couldn't I just write you a check and we'll be done with the whole ugly mess?

USM #1: No, sorry, you have to serve out your old sentence - 40 years in the big house. Sure it made no sense back then and it costs the state a bundle of money, but justice must prevail. It's like that CBS television show, "Cold Case Files", where they don't do anything for decades, but when the economy gets bad, the government proves it's doing something by bringing in people like you.

Sierra: Sorry, I wasn't listening after you started talking about TV shows. We don't watch television here. We mostly shoot moose and other furry animals. How about I throw in some moose bladders, they're an aphrodisiac; so I'm told. It could spark up your marriage.

USM #2: No, ma'am, we can't do that. That would be bribery. But, we will be forced to confiscate all your moose bladders.

USM #1: You'll have to come quietly with us.

Sierra: But I need to finish up my city counsel meeting and my designer glasses need to be cleaned.

USM #1: Sorry, justice can't wait. You've been gone for 36 years. We can't delay this for another second.

Sierra: Can you at least tell me who ratted me out? I'll bet it was my neighbor. She never cared for my stand on building a bridge from here to Quebec. Sure we don’t have a river or body of water nearby, but I said “build it”, then “don't build it”, then “what does a bridge do anyway?”, and then I kept all the money. I knew she had it in for me.

USM #2: Sorry, we can't reveal Carol's name, but you'll have lots of time to think about it now in your cell.

USM #1: At least there will be a fruit basket waiting for you. It’s mostly oranges and you’ll have to clean up your own peels.

Sierra: Can I at least say good bye to my children?

USM #2: You mean, “Trapper, Sniper, Wolf-Ranger, Cinnabon, Caribou, Saganaw and Flint?

USM #1: Larry, you left out the daughter, “Ann-Arbor”.

Sierra: Yeah, ya know it, she’s pregnant with my first grandchild. She’s fifteen and my husband and I are so gosh darn proud and so horrified at the same time. It’s such a special time for all of us.

USM #1: Sorry, you won’t be able to see them for months or years. Michigan needs to make sure families suffer too. It shows the others in prison that there’s no escaping without consequences because a lot of them plan on escaping, having families and then coming back.

Sierra: Couldn’t Michigan just had out fair punishments, let the offenders pay their debt to society and then become productive citizens again?. And wouldn’t it stop people from escaping if you just put up fences?

USM #2: No, Ma’am, they have politicians who need to make a name for themselves and this gets them into the press. This says jay walking won’t be tolerated from 40 years ago. We can’t have people going back in time and jay walking all over the place. The system must always prevail, if it makes sense or not. The law is the law. As far as the fence issue; we’ve already covered that.

Sierra: Alright, alright, I’m ready to go. I can’t take anymore of the long speeches you two keep making.

USM #1: By the way, what would you say the value of your house is?

Sierra: I don’t know. This is Alaska. I’m sure not over $10,000. Land’s pretty cheap up here, we’ve got lots of it and great paying jobs are plentiful. People from Michigan may want to move to Alaska, instead of California (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

USM #1: Great, we’ll say it’s a $5 million dollar castle and that you have a servant staff of twenty.

The now notorious Sierra LaPayLynn is handcuffed and led away for the long, long ride back to Michigan. Her struggles are just beginning.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Disclaimer: The writer of this transcript is using references to moose bladders as a humorous plot device and in no way intends to imply that moose bladders or any other moose parts can be used as an aphrodisiac. There is no medical evidence that moose bladders contain aphrodisiac properties. Although it is recommended to hug trees, it may be dangerous to attempt to hug a moose and should only be attempted by trained professionals.

To the very best on my knowledge, Susan LeFevre (of whom this blog is not about) has never shot a moose, but I have no proof that she hasn’t. I’m sure if MDOC viewed that as unfavorable, LeFevre would be depicted as a moose hunter. Do people in Michigan hunt moose? If so, then LeFevre would be said to hate moose hunting and MDOC would say that. Let us never speak of moose hunting again.

Although you might want to ask Judge Crane to re-sentence Susan LeFevre under modern guideline, because it is the only fair and humane thing to do.

Honorable William A. Crane
Saginaw County 10th Circuit Court
111 S. Michigan Avenue,
Saginaw, Michigan 48602

Reference Case No. 74-00284-FY

Day 1 - The Michigan Department of Corrects Hotline Receives a Call - Sierra LaPayLynn is turned in

Actual transcript taken from the Anonymous Michigan Absconders hotline:

MDOC Hotline Operator: Good afternoon. Michigan Needs Women Hotline... Dang, I said it again. Sorry, I meant Fugitive Hotline. How can I help you?

Anonymous Caller #1: Hi, my name is, wait, I can't tell you that…(pause) I have a man that came to my shop to buy a gun and ammo. Then I saw his picture on the MDOC fugitive website. I look that over a couple times everyday because my life has no real meaning and I like to see what criminals look like.

MDOC HO: Are you sure he is a wanted fugitive?

AC #1: Oh, yes, that’s him alright. He looks just like his picture; it was ABC [name changed to protect no one in particular]

MDOC HO: Oh, my! ABC is a very dangerous felon. He’s a serial killer. He’s murdered a dozen people with a plastic salad fork six months ago. And you sold him a gun?

AC #1: Yes, he didn’t come up on the watch list. He was using a different name and was willing to pay full price. What could I do? But, it’s him alright.

MDOC HO: Hmmm. He just broke out last week. We haven’t put up a fence yet. We give them oranges and that usually keeps them happy. We were all so hurt when he left.

AC #1: Are you going to send some police over to pick him up? I can see him across the street now. He’s loading the gun and everything.

MDOC HO: No, sorry, we can’t do than. We don’t go after prison escapees for at least 25 years. Lets see, 2008 plus 25 that’s 20…(mumbling) carry the one, oh yes, that’s 2033. Please call back in 2033. We’ll have someone out to investigate in a month.

AC #1: Are you sure you don’t want to get him now? He’s starting to shoot into the air.

MDOC HO: He isn’t text messaging a female assistant about the police chief is he?

AC #1: No, he couldn’t hold the gun and work a PDA at the same time.

MDOC HO: Sorry, call back later, please. Have a pleasant night, sir.

[Phone is disconnected. Rings again shortly afterward. Phone picks up and voice mail instructs caller to wait for next available operator. Melody of “The Girl from Ipanema" plays for the next five minutes.]

MDOC HO: Good afternoon, Michigan Needs Wo.., I mean, Fugitive Hotline. How can I help you?

Anonymous Caller #2: Hi, my name is Carol and …

MDOC HO: Please, ma’am no names. This has to remain anonymous.

AC #2: Is that to protect my identity from the person I’m trying to turn in?

MDOC HO: No, that’s so we don’t have to change the name of the “Anonymous Michigan Absconders”, also called the AMA.

AC #2: Won’t people confuse you with the America Medical Association?

MDOC HO: I’d like to see them try. Is there someone you want to turn in?

AC #2: Oh, yeah, there certainly is, you bet ya. I know this woman, my next door neighbor. Her name's Sierra LePayLynn, at least that what she claims. She’s been bragging about jay walking in the streets of Saginaw thirty five years ago.

MDOC HO: That is a very serious offense. Did she escape from prison?

AC #2: Yeah, sure, she said they caught her going across in the middle of the block back in 1972 and the judge gave her 40 years.

MDOC HO: Well, jay walking was a serious problem back then; cars had to stop and everything. The judge in Sag finally decided he’d had enough of that kind of stuff and sent every one of them to prison for 40 years.

AC #2: My, that seems very harsh. Did they at least get oranges?

MDOC HO: Yes, ma’am, but they were forced to pick up their own peels. The system didn’t have the people for that back then.

AC #2: Well, she claims she’s the most famous jay walker in the world now and I can’t put up that. Dang those celebrity types. I hope you can put her back into to prison where she belongs.

DMOC HO: Well, I see she meets our criteria for recapture. I take it she’s a contributing member of the community. Where are you located?

AC #2: We’re up here in Alaska. And yeah, she’s a contributor alrighty. She’s mayor of our small town. She used to be a community organizer, but nobody knew what that was, so she became mayor.

MDOC HO: Well, ma’am, you’ve done your civic duty. Rest assured no amount of expense will be spared to bring in this dangerous escapee. Even if it costs the taxpayers into the millions to bring her in, other prisoners will know they can’t run free anymore - for more that 30 years at least.

AC #2: Wouldn’t it be better to put up fences around your prisons?

MDOC HO: I suppose, but we’d have to hire illegal aliens for the job and people here get so upset when we do that.

AC #2: Why not hire Americans?

MDOC HO: We can’t afford American labor anymore. We’re spending too much money bringing in thirty year fugitive cases. We have to take the money for that out of our school budget as it is.

AC #2: Well, at least you’ll have more celebrities behind bars now.

MDOC HO: We don’t let them call themselves celebrities. When they start to get too full of themselves, we send them to a different prison and put them in with older cellmates.

AC #2: Does that work?

MDOC HO: They have to miss their big high school musical reunion and if they still don’t start smiling, the warden has a talk with them a lot like Ward Cleaver talking to the Beaver. So, no, not really.

AC #2: But they still get oranges?

MDOC HO: All the oranges the can stand.

Disclaimer: This blog posting has nothing to do with "Fugitive Mom" Susan LeFevre, who is a real person. Nothing at all. She isn't ever mentioned here. This is about the plight of someone else under the cruel yoke of the Michigan Department of Corrections, who foolishly ran afoul of the system as part of a youthful mistake and now after three decades of living a productive live must be brought back to PAY. Her name will be synonymous with Paying, just like it implies "LePayLynn".

Again do not mistake this for anything about Susan LeFevre. If you do think it is, then you might want to write to Judge Willaim A. Crane and say that her sentencing was unjust and she deserves to go free at the address below:

Honorable William A. Crane
Saginaw County 10th Circuit Court
111 S. Michigan Avenue,
Saginaw, Michigan 48602

RE: Case No. 74-00284-FY